I let out a dejected sigh that gloomy Tuesday morning while driving home from work, my lips pursed tightly together and my jaw stiff as my mind jumbled over and over again various challenges from my shift. Man, I thought to myself, I should have worked with my mama more on hand expression instead of giving her donor milk for baby to help them get ready for discharge, I should have started her flush sooner so she could get her epidural more quickly, I should have had more information in front of me before calling the doctor about my laboring patient, I should have, should have, should have….thoughts of negativity and self-doubt swept over me as I once again picked out my shortcomings and thought of all the things I could have done differently.

I am thankful to say that I haven’t had what I would call a big mistake at work which caused negative effects on the patient (Lordwilling I will avoid those!), but there are moments where, especially looking back in hindsight, I thought I could have done a procedure more efficiently, documented more thoroughly, communicated more effectively, or assessed with better clinical judgement.

It’s easy to get swept up in these. It’s easy to flood our minds of our own inefficiency. We are truly our own greatest critics. Mulling over our shortcomings is a ruthless cycle and was getting me nowhere this particular morning. Nowhere good, at least.

And yet, ever so gently, the Lord is teaching me that the gospel transforms even these situations. When He reminds me of a greater perspective, that is, to know Who I’m serving and Whose I am, as I do all to the glory of God, the focus comes off of myself and a greater heavenly perspective replaces my mere earthly one. I remember that I am part of a much larger picture of God’s plan for salvation and that by faithfully doing what He has called me to do, day by day, He is working out His plan in my life. I need only to trust and obey.

Now of course I can and should absolutely learn from my experiences as I seek to grow and expand my professional nursing career, but the negativity so often associated with those thoughts is gone when I remember that my security lies at the foot of the cross. My worth is not in my job, my academic achievements, my age, appearance, relationships, stuff, talents, or anything else, for I am rooted in Christ today and forever. What blessedness and peace is ours for trusting in our Redeemer, Greatest Treasure, and Wellspring of our souls.

Please take a moment to read through the words to this song by Kristin Getty or listen to it here.

My worth is not in what I own

Not in the strength of flesh and bone

But in the costly wounds of love

At the cross

My worth is not in skill or name

In win or lose, in pride or shame

But in the blood of Christ that flowed

At the cross

My soul is satisfied in Him alone.

As summer flowers we fade and die

Fame, youth and beauty hurry by

But life eternal calls to us

At the cross

I will not boast in wealth or might

Or human wisdom’s fleeting light

But I will boast in knowing Christ

At the cross

Two wonders here that I confess

My worth and my unworthiness

My value fixed – my ransom paid

At the cross

I rejoice in my Redeemer

Greatest Treasure,

Wellspring of my soul

I will trust in Him, no other.